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(from the book Sex, Lies & Religion)

cre:ate Talk 2010

Intro:

Who invented Sex?

This guy??    Slide #1

He’s old, but he’s not quite old enough.

How about this guy? Slide #2

Gen. 2:20:

But for Adam no suitable helper was found.

21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh.

22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

23 The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called ‘woman, [k] ‘

for she was taken out of man.”

24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

It’s safe to say that God invented Sex.

Comment on my blog:

Great looking book, Randy. I think you’re right and that there is absolutely, positively a need.

Congrats on recognizing that and on having taken the initiative to act.

Took some courage. Tough subject to write about for alot of folks (myself, included … not as much trouble TALKING about it, but a bit nerve-wracking to put it out there in front of the world in black-and-white as you never know what people will read between the lines and think you’re saying or not saying about your own life/relationships … “did he learn that from experience? does he DO that? how does he know THAT? did he ….?” you know what I mean).

Last time I checked—Everyone was created a sexual being —So, why do we have so much trouble talking about it??

I don’t want to be known as a SEX guy….

Just a NORMAL guy!!!!!!!!

Story:

My growing up…

Religiously Legalistic

Culturally Isolated

Goodwill—Diary of Anne Frank

As an impressionable and hormonal young man, I discovered a tattered copy of The Diary of Anne Frank and read this:

Today the sun is shining, the sky is a deep blue, there is a lovely breeze and I am longing—so longing for everything. To talk, for freedom, for friends, to be alone.

And I do so long…to cry! I feel as if I am going to burst, and I know it would get better with crying; but I can’t, I’m restless, I go from room to room, breathe through the crack of a closed window, feel my heart beating, as if it is saying, “Can you satisfy my longing at last?”

I believe that it is Spring within me, I feel that Spring is awakening, I feel it in my whole body and soul. It is an effort to behave normally. I feel utterly confused. I don’t know what to read, what to write, what to do, I only know that I am longing.¹

Her words described me and I realized at that moment at least one other person had feelings like mine. I was not taught that my sexual longings were “an effort to behave normally.”

In fact,

No one ever talked about it at all.

Just like Anne Frank, during the course of our lives, all of us experience these longings, and unless we understand that God places them within us, they take as their object all sorts of unholy things.

We must realize that the quintessential object of our sexual longing is sacred union with God.

Our mortal (or I believe)  immortal longings are simply an effort to behave normally. What a freeing thought!

But what if the Sexual ache within us is not just about sex?

What if it provides an extraordinary way to understand God?

So, Let me ask you this:

“Have you ever had an experience with God that was so amazing it exceeded your wildest and most fulfilling sexual moment?”

If your answer is no, you are not ALONE.

Of all the people I asked this question, 99.9% said no.

Why has no one experienced this??

And furthermore, Is it even possible?

A Christianity Today Survey in 2001 reports:

4 in 10 pastors online have visited a pornographic Web site. And more than 1/3 have done so in the past year. Those statistics from their Leadership survey drew startled response.

From non-pastors: “So many!”

From pastors: “Is that all?”

The New York Times reports that one in four regular Internet users visits a sex site at least once a month.

Why are pastors vulnerable?

Therapist Harry Schaumburg says pastors are as vulnerable as anyone else to sexual sin. In fact, they may be more vulnerable. Isolation and loneliness are inherent to the position. And many pastors neglect their personal relationships for the sake of ministry.

And for pastors, it’s a short journey from the sacred to the profane.

Only one in four pastors uses filters on his or his family’s computer.

The survey showed 75 percent of pastors do not make themselves accountable to anyone for their Internet use. Of the 25 percent who do, two-thirds rely on their spouses. The remainder seek help from a fellow pastor, staff member, or accountability partner.

“If you think you can’t fall into sexual sin, then you’re godlier than David, stronger than Samson, and wiser than Solomon.”

What if it is true? That every knock at the door of a brothel is really a knock at the heart of God?

What if our sexual longings are really far deeper than we’ve ever imagined?

What if instead of being too passionate—-the truth is that we are not passionate enough?

Here we go…

I believe every Christian can better choose between the sacred and the profane by understanding these religious lies about our sexuality.

#1 – The Profane Lies of Religious History

A. The Lie of Sexual Renunciation

To “renounce” something is to disclaim or disown.

To renounce your sexuality is to say, in effect, “This doesn’t belong to me. This sexual nature has caused me trouble and heartache, but it’s not really me; the ‘real’ me is the soul that finds itself stuck in this body. I don’t owe one thing to that bodily, sexual part of me.”

Early Christians mistrusted the body in ways that still affect our attitudes today.

Consider, for instance, the Desert Fathers of the third century A.D. They fled the cities and made their home in the Egyptian desert, living in solitude and asceticism, believing they could achieve a higher spiritual and moral state by practicing self-denial, self-mortification, and sexual abstinence.

These Desert Fathers taught a division between a pure spirit and a sensual body.

One of these desert leaders was Father Climacus. In his journals he could simply not reconcile that those monks who struggled with sensuality tended to be more in touch with other people and simply more enjoyable than those “harsh dry” monks for whom chastity came more easily and naturally.

This obvious interconnection of body and soul brought to question the three centuries of “spiritual wisdom” he had inherited in the Egyptian desert.

Father Climacus’s uncomfortable observations point to a truth that he was ill-equipped to grasp: our sexual longings aren’t simply an unfortunate fact of life in this body. If we let them, they point us toward a fuller understanding of what it means to love God with our whole selves—and how to love our neighbors as ourselves. Far from debasing us, our sexuality can exalt us to a place that is well beyond our bodies.

B. The Lie of Control

Why, through the centuries, has the Church worked so hard to control sexuality? Perhaps it is because our sexuality is so wild and free. It represents a kind of freedom that is hard (not impossible—hard) for organized religion to deal with.

God has given each of us the difficult gift of free will. The church, like a jealous mother, feels threatened and demands a co-dependent relationship with her children.

What makes the church so jealous of our sexuality? Could it be that she fears what freedom can do to her children and consequently instills a co-dependent fear in us in order to protect us from ourselves? Nurturing this dysfunctional connection requires rigid control and excessive rules and so the wilder aspects of Christianity, such as sex and sexuality, are deemed taboo in the name of God’s “love.”

This seems rather ironic in light of Jesus Christ’s teaching in John 8:32: we shall know the truth, and the truth shall make us free. Instead of setting her children free, the institutional church by its very nature tends to nurture a co-dependent relationship.

The church believes that freedom gives each of us the power to create and also to destroy. She knows a sex drive that makes love and babies can also lead to divorce and murder. Likewise, the freedom given an artist to paint a nude body has the power to glorify the wonder of creation, but it also has the power to titillate and degrade.

The church also realizes that this extraordinary freedom, when in the hands of mere mortals, provides each of us the opportunity for an intimate connection to the very One who brought galaxies into existence. She knows this cosmic power also created us as sexual beings and she feels that it only stands to reason, the more freedom we are given, the more potential we have to abuse it.

The challenge for the mother church today lies in relinquishing control and exhibiting mercy and grace instead of shame and judgment. When we walk through the struggles of real life (and more of us have than not) functional and unconditional love promises that we walk not through judgment but to freedom.

A biblical understanding informs us that our ultimate authority must always be the Creator—not the Church or religion. Dysfunction comes when we intertwine the church and God and view them as one. We often forget that both church and religion consist of wayward leaders and broken people just like us.

Jesus teaches that His heavenly Father does not love us in a co-dependent way. Rather, He knows that no matter how much we struggle with Him, in our desperate and wayward searching, if we truly seek Truth, we will ultimately fall safely back into His arms.

C. The Lie about the Incarnation

The Bible teaches that God came to earth as man to redeem and yes, romance us in all that we are. God is the great Lover, pursuing us in a human body. If He had needed only to redeem our soul and spirit, He could have conceivably done so from heaven. However, He also desired to redeem our body and sexuality, and that required an extraordinary union of God and man, in the person of Jesus Christ. That union is what we call the Incarnation.

Story: Mega-church pastors always wanting a cross and blood at Christmas while minimizing the birth. I could never feel comfortable about it.

What if the Incarnation was the greater miracle?? And yet, we Westerners tend to emphasize the bloodiness and gore of the Passion and Resurrection.

Louis Markos writes, “As Christians, we worship a God who at a specific time in history became a man, a spiritual Creator who became a physical creature, The greatest miracle of our faith, I would argue, is not the Resurrection but the Incarnation. Christ (the Word made flesh) is the middle ground where God and man, spiritual and physical, meet and join hands across a divide.”⁶

A clear and true understanding of the greatest miracle—that of Incarnation—must be at the foundation of all that we are.

The Son of God chose to walk on earth in human flesh to redeem our bodies and experience our every desire. Because of that, He knows our limitations.

God understands that we tend to search for love in all the wrong places. And because we look mostly in sensual areas, St. Athanasius in his timeless classic “On The Incarnation” says that “God became Himself an object for the senses and took to Himself a body and moved as Man among men, in effect ‘meeting our senses’…and so by His own power He restored the whole nature of man.”⁷

Sometimes, our body longs for God in the most paradoxical of ways. Could it be, as one writer puts it, that every knock at the door of a brothel is actually a knock at the heart of God?

We who have practiced religion squirm at questions such as these.

Religious lies lead us to believe that if we ask God to join us in our most intimate moments, all our fantasies, fun and games will be over. But on the contrary, my friend, intimacy with the Almighty can possibly make the greatest sexual experience of your life seem tame in comparison.

#2 – The Profane Lies About Sexuality

A. The Lie about Nudity

Story: Walking in to see David.

After a lifetime of anticipation and with a pounding heart, I found myself walking down a narrow, white marble hallway lined with chiseled busts.

The sea of gawking humanity was gathered in a gallery created especially for the towering masterpiece.

I drew close and looked up in wonder as luminous light from a glass dome bathed David in a heavenly glow.

As I moved breathlessly around the statue, I realized at every angle, though sculpted in marble, life pulsed within.

At that moment, it seemed to me as though the world may have been created just to house this magnificent monument.

David is completely and beautifully nude. Muscles ripple across his torso and his body exudes taut sensuality. Michelangelo took great care in defining, even celebrating, every curve and every line of the human form.

Let’s admit it. We don’t quite know what to do with David.

Why did Michelangelo and our great artists render their greatest masterpieces as nudes?

Nudity Profaned: Lust

B. The Lie about Beauty

Most of us are familiar with Plato’s 3 requirements for “The Good” Beauty, Symmetry, and Truth.

But you may not know that Thomas Aquinas writes in his magnificent work Summa Theologica that three things are needed for beauty: harmony, wholeness and radiance.

• Harmony (Aquinas calls it proportio) refers to the arrangement of the parts of a work and the sum of the relationships between them. Harmonic notes in music are separate yet they move together while complementing one another.

• Wholeness (Aquinas calls it integritas) exists in a work that lacks nothing essential to its full being. It provides a full understanding and portrayal; something that is complete in all its parts.

• Radiance (Aquinas calls it claritas) speaks of that which makes a thing clearly seen for what it is. It is that feeling that goes with you as you depart. You feel as if you leave a better person having been in the presence of true beauty.

These elements of beauty help resolve personal dilemma and provide guidelines for the artist or viewer to understand whether the nudity they encounter is beautiful or pornographic.  A nude portrayed or viewed utilizing these premises embodies the glory of the human body rather than an objectification of it.

Beauty Profaned: Pornography

C. The Lie about Self-Pleasure

Story: Lee College and Onan.

Betty’s story: Son-in-law Chaplain

Self-Pleasure Profaned: Guilt.

D. The Lie about Sexual Fantasy

Survey results.

In preparation for this book, we administered an anonymous online survey at our website: www.sexliesandreligion.com.

The results were fascinating to say the least. There were over 2,000 respondents of which over 95% indicated a religious affiliation and described themselves as spiritual.

* Our survey, according to the http://surveysystem.com calculator, is accurate to within plus or minus 3 points.

* We have 2,000-plus completions as of today, and over 4,000 people visited and completed partial surveys in just 30 days.

Counselor Lucille Zimmerman had an interesting comment on my Facebook page about this phenomenon. “Randy don’t you think that’s so funny that you got so many partials. As a psych person, it tells me so much about us (Christians) and how uptight we are re: “sex” That definitely needs a mention in your book!”

* 90% of respondents are between ages 19-50

* 79% are married

* 47% are not satisfied with their sex life

* 70% have sex one or more times per week

* 82% talk about sex with their partner at least once a month

* 34% of respondents said they fantasize during sex, but only 13% said they fantasize mutually in some way with their lover. (So, we’re taking about sex with each other, but we’re not really having it with each other)

• In fact, When asked to describe their individual fantasies, almost 40% said they fantasize about making love with someone else other than their mate.

• 5% fantasize about some sort of bondage, spanking, or S&M. S&M is an abbreviation for two terms. Sadism is pleasure in the infliction of pain or humiliation upon another person, while masochism refers to gratification from receiving the same.¹

* 61%  say they masturbate at least once a week

* 80% feel that sex helps partners to grow together spiritually

* Survey respondents seem to overwhelmingly embrace the secular philosophy of dualism – i.e. that the soul is more holy and sacred than the body (77%)

* While 45% say they know what Tantric sex is, only 5% have ever practiced it

* Only 57% believe nudity in art is okay, while 55% would allow nudity in specified public places (i.e.topless beaches)

* 60% say that religion has had negative or no impact on their sexual enjoyment

* One of every two respondents feel religion has a negative view of sex (52% responded negative)

The results were extremely revealing considering the amount of respondents who indicated they felt the survey was “not really anonymous,” because of online privacy fears, those who were afraid to be honest, and the conservative skew of the demographic information. One must also consider what the results would have been in a “safe” environment that was deemed by respondents as completely incognito.

We need to play together as lovers and a great way to do this is with sexual fantasy.

I LOVE the way Betty puts it: Sexual Fantasy should lead to oneness!!

Sounds scriptural doesn’t it? “Two Shall Become One Flesh”

Sexual Fantasy Profaned: Isolation

E. The Lie about Sexual Inequality

Organized religion’s treatment of women throughout the ages has been little different than secular culture. In general, religious women have derived their identity through males and are most often prized for their reproductive capabilities.

Granted, I understand religion is only one of the vehicles of sexual inequality. The true origin of inequality is sin. In Genesis 5:1-2, God created man in His image, “male and female”—before the separation of Eve out of the body of Adam. Genesis makes this clear when God describes (not prescribes as many evangelical/conservatives have interpreted the text) what happens to relationships between men and women because of sin. When mankind (male and female) rejects God’s rule, we become self-protective and self-centered.

God describes that as a result of sin, man will “rule over” the woman and the woman will have a “desire for the man.” Van Leewan calls this “domination and enmeshment.”² Men will seek power over women in order to dominate, and women will submit to it at any cost in order to maintain a relationship. Her “desire” will be for the man rather than for her own God-given authentic and individual personhood. Women throughout history have demonstrated this giving up of themselves for relationship by putting aside their gifts and calling, or tragically, submitting to abuse of all kinds—all to keep the man.

But scripture makes it very clear this was not God’s plan. It is precisely because of the equality of the sexes, that Adam’s unitive poem in Gen. 2:23 is followed immediately by the description of marriage

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (2:24). Man and woman together were given the task of ruling (shared dominion) the world and multiplying.

Only after sin was this distorted, which set the tone for stereotypes and inequality throughout history.

Sexual Inequality Profaned: Sexual Objectification

(is the separating of a person’s body, body parts, or sexual functions, from his or her person, reducing them to the status of mere instruments.

F. The Lie about Yada, Yada, Yada

No, I’m not talking about a Seinfeld episode.

The Hebrew word “Yada” means “to know.” It further means to have an intimate and interactive relationship with its subject.¹

This word is used with great reverence in the Bible to denote God’s love for mankind, and for man’s desire to know God. The sense of the word is profound; it does not imply a casual relationship, but a deep and intimate relationship between God and man.

The same word is also used to describe the way a man and wife should know one another.

In this sense, “yada, yada, yada” might be understood as an ignorant disparagement of profound relationships, demeaning the word into a phrase that signifies nothing important.

But ironically, it was religion, not Seinfeld that first demeaned the word Yada.

For fifteen hundred years, from Augustine to the present day, religion has taught that original sin corrupted our sexuality. We have ingrained in our psyche that we are “sinners saved by grace.”

Celebrated religious leader Martin Luther said that, since Eden, sexual intercourse was “horribly marred” by the “hideousness inherent in our flesh, namely, the bestial desire and lust,” and that sex, even in marriage, was never free from sin.

But what if this word “yada” offers a key—perhaps the key—to unlocking the mystery that lies at the heart of marriage, and therefore at the heart of sexuality, and most importantly at the heart of transcendent intimacy and interaction with God?

What if ancient Eastern sacred sexual practices represent an ideal basis for a reimagination of modern erotic Western sexuality?

What if we really believed that sex is sacred and not a sin?

What if Colossians 1:22 “But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation” were really true?²

Yada, Yada, Yada Profaned: Incompatibility

Last,

#3 – The Profane Lies About Spirituality

A. The Truth about Sacred Sexuality

Understanding sacred sexuality requires a look at three remarkable aspects of sex.

These aspects in context—biological, spiritual, and theological—embody the very essence of our existence.

They show us the liberating truth that human longings lead to God. And as we begin to realize that sexuality expresses our spirituality, the hope of knowing an “unknowable” God, seeing an “unseeable” God, and even touching an “untouchable God” seems finally and irrevocably within our grasp.

1. An Emotional Biology

An emotional biology helps us see that attraction, pleasure, and procreation provide a crucial foundation for an understanding of sacred sexuality.

Although each aspect is biological and scientific, it also contains deep emotional considerations.

Sacred sexuality is both physical and emotional. It is a beautiful combination of biological copulation with an attractive person while experiencing passionate pleasure. But, it is much more than just copulation and pleasure.

In true communion, we are not just “having sex,” we are “making love.”

In fact, the way we interact is as much about “making love” as the actual act of intercourse. However, when the interaction of spiritual relationship is absent, “making love” quickly degenerates into merely “having sex.”

Sexuality that celebrates a sacred essence consists of a deep cherishing exchange of love by two people in the emotional, spiritual, and theological dimensions of their beings. As we look at the second aspect of sacred sexuality, relational spirituality, we begin to understand that making love is a way of life and that every day can be foreplay.

2. A Relational Spirituality

Sex begins in the kitchen and you don’t have to be a good cook to find it there. Simply gather a handful of the succulent fruit described in this chapter and your mate will be literally eating out of your hand while racing you to the bedroom for an endless time of wild and abandoned lovemaking.

Does this sound too good to be true? It’s not. This is what can happen when you enjoy the freedom of unconditional sexuality.

Making love becomes a way of life. It is the spiritual essence of each day. And in this sense every day is foreplay. The soft brush of a fleeting kiss as you awaken, a brief time of thoughtful conversation over a cup of coffee, a warm and close embrace at hello and goodbye, showing affection to unruly children, expressing exuberance about life, practicing serenity in turbulent times, and displaying a sense of compassion to others, are all as much “making love” as when actual sexual intercourse takes place.

If you have any experience with the Bible, these words should sound hauntingly familiar. The previous paragraph is simply a paraphrase of Galatians 5, which describes the character qualities or “the fruits of the Spirit.” The thought-provoking and controversial words contained therein provide the spiritual essence for this aspect of sacred sexuality.

I look at all the fruits of the Spirit, but let’s look at just one today: Joy

I will never forget hearing a story recounted at a marriage seminar when I was an impressionable young married man. Our teachers (Bob and Rosemary) were a married couple from Ft. Lauderdale, Fl. and were obviously happily married. They told about a date night when the kids were safely away at a babysitter and they were trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly Rosemary mischievously began to strip off her clothes and revealed lacy and completely sheer lingerie underneath. She then laughingly told Bob to take his clothes off and go to the garage and get into their old Volkswagen Beetle convertible. The garage door opened and they proceeded into the night, naked and bound for a starry ride along the beach on a perfect Florida night.

As luck would have it, as they were reveling and “enjoying” the sexy ride, the VW sputtered to a halt and died. With nothing but a birthday suit and a completely sheer negligee between them, they were awkwardly stranded at an isolated road along the beach. Instead of getting tense, they decided to make the best of it. They took the opportunity to enjoy something they had never tried as married adults. Since the car was already “parked” they decided to officially declare it “parking” and began to make love in the cramped quarters of the backseat. Sure enough an hour or so later, a flashlight shone in and a policeman asked them to explain themselves.

I will never forget the obvious (albeit embarrassed) joy the couple had in recounting that story to our small group of young married couples. My wife and I looked at each other with a grin of anticipation, and a small part of the religious legalism we had grown up with melted away. We realized that it was possible to actually enjoy our sexuality.

Please understand me, I’m not talking about taking a sexual fantasy such as exhibitionism and making it real life, but I am talking about lightening up our prudish way of thinking and enjoying the freedom of our sexuality.

We need to enjoy the story of life. Because life is not a dress rehearsal and the play is too short. Joy goes beyond happiness. Happiness depends on earthly circumstances, but joy is the spiritual belief that the end of the story has already been written.

As Christians, no matter how dark this story called life gets at times, we know that it climaxes happily ever after in eternity.

As Christians, we can experience joy without happiness.

Writer Anne Lamott, who has chronicled a personal life fraught with difficulty and suffering says it this way, “Joy is the best makeup.” When the makeup of life is washed away by the tears of suffering or difficulties, our countenance still somehow displays the inner beauty of the joy of the Lord.

3. A Theology of the Body

By now we understand that sex is not just about sex. It provides a way to understand God. Where religion makes simple ideas about God complex, sex can make complex ideas about God simple. The way we live out our sexuality expresses who we are, who God is, what love is, how we relate to others, and why we are here. It is the essence of existence.

However, many people are uncomfortable with an emphasis on sex when it comes to theology (a study of God). As we understand the context of the previous two chapters, we begin to realize that as sexual beings, “in a certain sense, the only way we can experience the spiritual world is in and through the physical world and in and through our bodies.”¹

By taking on a body through the Incarnation, the revered saint, St. Athanasius who penned the definitive Christian classic regarding the Incarnation says, “God chose to humbly “meet us where we look for Him most, and that is in our sensuality.”²

Unfortunately, religious lies have led us to think that our bodies, and especially our sexuality, are hindrances to the spiritual life. In a recent online survey in which 98% of respondents considered themselves spiritual, 8 out of 10 believe that the soul is better than the body. This thinking could not be further from the truth.

The false teaching of heresy says the body is bad, but the true teaching of theology says the “body is so good you can’t even fathom it.”³

The problem with religious lies is that they have failed to help us see that the body and sex are pathways to an intimate knowledge of God. An erotic theology affirms that our sexuality is sacred and that we most intimately encounter God through the sensuality of our bodies. Indeed, “the body itself is in some sense a sacrament.”⁴

If the Bible were a movie, it would be rated NC-17. It is an erotic book that does not shy away from the fleshly and sometimes messy aspects of our sexuality. But many religions have literally torn the sensual pages with which they disagree from the Bible. For instance, many conservative churches have deleted the wild dancing of David in the Old Testament, and removed the first miracle of Jesus when He created wine to celebrate a sexual consummation. Despite historical fact, they insist Jesus created grape juice. Chances are you have never attended a religious service that celebrated the eroticism of the Old Testament or explained the difference between art and pornography. And I wonder if your religious teaching has helped you understand the pleasure of masturbation or the healthy way to enjoy sexual fantasy with your mate.

I recently conducted a gathering where leaders, ministers, and theologians from the Eastern Orthodox, Catholic, Anglican, and Evangelical traditions discussed marriage and sexuality. As orthodox beliefs, theologies, and writings essential to each faith were discussed, it became increasingly obvious that the Evangelical tradition (of which I am a part) has absolutely no theology of the body. As my pastor and I listened to the animated and intelligent discussion of other faiths, we realized the crucial need for a better understanding of orthodoxy. By orthodoxy I mean, a general knowledge of accepted and established faith traditions. As the old adage goes, those of us without an adequate knowledge of history will be doomed to repeat the mistakes of those who have gone before us.

B. The Truth about Communion

When we partake in Holy Communion, we meet God in a very direct and intimate way, so sexual communion provides a similar experience. God has created us so that in the mysteries of both, we receive nourishment for both our physical and spiritual needs. We are hungry beings. And we are hungry for God. Behind all the hunger of our life is God and all desire is ultimately a desire for Him.

Because of this, our hunger, and especially our sexual hunger, should be treated with reverence. Sex is a rite. It is an “original sacrament” of intimacy and wholeness, of something much more than raw animal lust. To have sex is much more than maintaining bodily functions; it is the essence of existence. It embodies the original plan of God, when in His first recorded direction to man He calls for propagation. Both Holy Communion and sexual communion provide the opportunity to satisfy that hunger in a mysterious mix of belonging, wholeness, intimacy and transcendence.

Celebrating Holy Communion and sexual communion represents our commitment to God, His commitment to us and our commitment to each other. In their celebration, a transcendence of heaven and earth takes place, and an untouchable God mysteriously touches us corporately and individually in a sacred consummation of holy longing.

Until Christ returns, we have been given two mysterious sacraments as a means to consummate our love for God and each other. In I Corinthians, we are told to partake of God’s body and blood in Holy Communion until He returns, and in Ephesians 5 we are to partake of our lover’s body and soul in Sexual Communion.

Now if you have grown up in the evangelical tradition, much of this may be new to you. Sacraments aren’t merely religious rituals as evangelicals are prone to think. They “inject sanctity into the plan of man’s humanity and they penetrate the soul and body, both our femininity and masculinity.”¹

The Sacraments make Christ’s creation, incarnation, passion, and resurrection a living reality in our lives. In the sacraments, God’s love is “poured into our hearts through the holy Spirit.”² The liturgy and the Holy Eucharist provide incredible power for both our spiritual and sexual relationships, but the church continues to maintain a “don’t ask and don’t tell” policy about this mysterious and often misunderstood connection.

C. The Truth about Immortal Longings

So, what are you hungry for?

The problem is not that we deny the existence of God, but that we deny His existence in one of the most important aspects of our lives. The wildness of our sexual longings seem entirely too erotic for the sexless God of westernized religion.

Long ago, we learned to view God as an intellectual principle rather than a lover who longs to romance us. Rarely is there a vital sense of God within our sexual ache. And if it does occur, we feel awkward, ashamed, and embarrassed. In fact, even though most of us believe He created us, we somehow don’t think He has any place in our sexuality. God plus sex could not possibly equal fun.

Just like Anne Frank, during the course of our lives, all of us experience these longings, and unless we understand that God places them within us, they take as their object all sorts of unholy things. We must realize that the quintessential object of our sexual longing is sacred consummation with God. Our mortal longings are simply an effort to behave normally. What a freeing thought!

At the risk of over-simplification, in our youth, Satan over-emphasizes eros love (sex without self-sacrificing love) at the expense of agape (self-sacrificing) love.

In our middle age, he emphasizes worldly success at the expense of intimate relationships.

And in our older age, Satan emphasizes isolation at the expense of legacy. God has placed these mortal longings in us at creation. But Satan has distorted them by offering ever-increasing cravings for ever-diminishing pleasures.

Closing

Our story of longing begins in the Garden of Eden and recurs as a constant theme throughout scripture. In the most romantic book of the Bible, Song of Songs, the beloved’s heart is compared to an enclosed garden. Then we have the Garden of Gethsemane with Jesus walking through suffering and beyond in order to romance His bride, the church.

The Bible teaches that our story will end in a Garden, which is located in a new earth. But perhaps the most amazing thing is that while we are waiting for that to happen, God wants to take our body and soul and complete them like He originally planned.

Ever since Man’s communion with God was severed in a Garden, we have longed to find this communion again and intimately experience Him. So God is and has always been the object of our longings. Now it finally makes sense that all our longings (sexual and spiritual) intertwine with God’s complete intention for our lives.

A wise man once told me:

“Satan does not necessarily try to keep us from the truth, he tries to keep those with the truth from each other.”

————–

For the majority of my life, I had no framework for the interrelation of sexuality and spirituality. In my religious circles, sex was what everybody thought about, but nobody talked about.

I hope this book (and this talk) will start conversations. We Americans generally stink at controversial discussions and the subject of sacred sexuality is more than worthy of honest and open debate. Sex is at the heart of almost everything we do as human beings, and if it truly is the essence of existence, then it bears thoughtful and loving consideration among those of us who call ourselves spiritual.

Some people will undoubtedly find portions of this book (and talk) shocking. Others will think it is tame. It is in no way intended to be a sex manual or a theological treatise. My wish is that it will cause all of us to examine closely our personal longings, our marriages, our relationships, and what we teach our children about sex. Perhaps it’s time to utilize the Bible as our sex manual. And for those aspects where it is silent, we then depend on an open dialogue with those we trust.

My candid conversations with young men I mentor, my own struggles, the shocking results of our online survey, and the inordinate amount of moral dismissals in our churches provided me the incentive to write this book. I have seen wives leave their husbands because of pornography addictions and marriages fall apart due to misplaced affections. Throughout my life, I have seen religion provide judgment instead of grace in almost every situation.

Of course, there are extreme cases of sexual dysfunction that need to be dealt with. Seeing a qualified sex therapist, psychiatrist or licensed marriage counselor is one of the most spiritually mature actions we can take in cases of severe problems.

But I can’t help but think that if we really believed our misplaced sexual longings were an indication of a desperate search for God and the original experiences of the garden, many of us would find redemption instead of condemnation. That’s what I’ve been given. And I’m thankful.

If you get nothing else from this message, know that this book and talk is about redemption. I suppose you could say it is controversially redemptive. I have realized through the years that it takes shaking up the status quo to get anything accomplished. So be it.

So,

What will it be?

What will you choose???

The Sacred or the Profane??

Randy will update you on the conference including:

-A fabulous and first-of-its-kind giveaway. (And EVERY recreate alumni has a chance to win it)

-An extraordinary speaker that has just been added.

-A new and unique participation prize for 8 of you songwriters from Great Worship Songs.

-A fabulous prize for the film festival winner and a new sponsor partner for the festival.

- And more!!

See all of you Wednesday at 10 CST.

Also, invite anyone new whom you think would be interested in attending the conference.

Country Inn and Suites: The best Franklin has to offer at the lowest price point, around $100 a night. Free WIFI, clean, comfortable beds and a great location. Let them know you are with recreate and they will give you a good rate.

Aloft: Brand new artsy hotel in a great location with WIFI. A little pricier but very nice!

Courtyard Marriott: Also great location, brand new, luxury but a good price. Would be probably around $160 a night. Highly recommended.

Mark L., Carlos, Heather, Kari, Mark W., John, Rich, Bethany, Nathan,
Marina, Tyler, Pat, Bryan, Kim, Paul, Vicky, Chris, Cynthia and Francis

See pics at our Flickr account and video at our You Tube Channel

Others of you blogging about cre:ate? Leave me a comment.

- Allow your children to use their gifts in ministry and don’t “shield” them.

- Create intentional no agenda hangout time with your kids.

- Keep communication open. Involve them in important discussions.

- Release your plans and dreams for your kids to God’s plans and dreams for them.

- Love your kid’s mom!

Loving Your Spouse

- Be intentional about our horizontal relationships.

- Choose something that important to you in your work and cancel it for her/ him.

- Create a daily “crossing” with your spouse. (could be texting, lunch, etc.)

- identify and enforce relational boundaries.

- choose wisely what work issues you disclose with your spouse.

Leading the Team

LEADING THE TEAM [brain dump]
together is better – unity
it’s all about relationship – build trust – care about each other
time together – retreat / staff connection
weekly staff meetings that aren’t all business – laugh / live / learn
servant-leadership (not leading from above) – Christ-like leadership
the team embracing it all – living out your calling and goals together
the leader doesn’t have to do everything with everyone but people need to experience him in tangible ways
all along the way
just show up (willow)
Books
Organizing Chaos (Warren Bennis / Patricia Ward Biederman)
Leading with a Limp (Dan Allender)
The Five Dysfunctions of a Team (Patrick Lencioni)

[action items] – what can i do not to stay awake about this issue?

1. NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS … honesty – tell the truth – trust
2. TOGETHERNESS … find intentional times to be together w/no real agenda – laugh / live / learn
3. SERVANT-LEADERSHIP … don’t lead from above – painting the set – get your hands dirty

Finances

- Develop a plan (tools could be Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey, Crown Financial)

- Live below your means

- Create a debt retirement plan

- Know your credit report

- Create secondary income

- Invest and be proactive!

Creativity/ Time Management

- Use tools that are available like planningcenter.com.

- Have a “closed door” policy. Set the expectation that when your door is closed, it’s your personal time to get things done. (no peeking in the window!)

- schedule creative time.

- Schedule time with the Creator.

- JUST SAY NO!!

Personal Spiritual Growth/ Quiet time

-Identify the problem “why don’t I do it?”

- Embrace discipline (obedience leads to discipline, discipline leads to desire.)

- Journal. Get it out of your head.

- Plan your quiet time and make it creative!

- Don’t discount the Holy Spirit.

- Get some quiet time accountability to keep you on track.

Self Esteem/ Authenticity

- Live in the reality that ultimately we are no the ones who change people. God does. Let Christ live through us.

- Give ourselves room to learn. Learn aggressively.

- Live in the reality that we are justified by Christ, no by Christ and man.